cheated on you today

cheated on you today

 I have to admit, I didn't think I had such seductive powers.  I never thought my voice would have such an impact on a woman screaming that she wanted to get off the pedestal, shouting from all corners that she wanted to come down to earth, that she could no longer bear the loneliness of your hand.  I didn't think I could ever seduce myself in such a way that I even thought I was happy.  I seem to be seduced well, so well that I managed to lie to myself like not all the people in my life lied to me.  Today I got rid of all the lies that I cunningly whispered to myself for so long, I slammed down with all the holy clothes and God would do well not to have anything to say about it, just as he did not  even when the demons wore angelic robes that served my principles and morals in a firm tone, and my soul was in agony.  Even when I decided to leave, they also snaked on my shoulder, towards my ear, rebuking me that the better is the enemy of the good.


 Today I was wrong.  I realized that I had been doing it for a long time, I realized that I had been in a continuous process of deception for several months now.  It had been a few good months since I had shamelessly lied that I was happy, it had been good weather since I had put on the coat of sufficiency, and somehow I was relieved that I had a statue erected in a man's mind.  Today I was wrong and I realized that they can be something other than a trinket carefully placed on the shelf, often dusted just to be admired by guests.  I realized that I could be anything but a man's pride, because that was what I had become, a man's pride, an object of praise meant to bring applause to the one who owned it.


 Today I was deceived after a long time when I struggled not to, after a long time when I whipped my thoughts every time they started to smell sin, every time I cried for pity.  I whipped myself with the idea that there will always be something better, there will always be someone better, there will always be something missing, and we, whether we like it or not, are not whole.  We are not even halves, because it would be sad, but we are like puzzle pieces, which if they are badly joined, when you pass your hand over them, even by mistake, they fly and everything is lost.  A man accidentally ran his hand over our puzzle.  And not only did it break down a little bit, but it went to hell so hard I can't even find the parts, I wonder what I was and what we were.


 A man, by mistake, looked at me and pretended to look at me.  As if someone had given him a book, and he read it diagonally and understood.  A man looked at me and understood.  Short and pragmatic.  He understood that sleeping in the same bed does not mean a relationship and that no matter how comfortable it would be for you to sleep in a relationship, if you want to have a Woman next to you, you still have to wake up early and go to bed late.  when.  To wake up when the woman next to you no longer smiles and to go to bed late when she has things to say and says them all for you.  Go to bed late when she needs you and waste hours when only you can help her.  He understood that just as you sacrifice time from life on your path of achievements, so you must sacrifice time from achievements for kisses, for hugs, because you are two and otherwise one gets lost along the way.  He understood that there is no woman without qualities, but only men who are lazy to discover them or too comfortable to support them, and when they are also visible, you have to be stupid or unconscious not to juggle them.


 A man who knew that a woman must be kept in touch in order to keep her femininity, to keep her strengths and more, to take advantage of them.  Who knew that no matter how much you played with her in bed, if you didn't train her mind you wouldn't have anyone to play with and she wouldn't have anyone to be a woman with, which is lethal to her trust and relationship.  your.  Who understood that the woman is a constant challenge, you conquer her now, but you win her every day.  Carefully, with effort and as far away from routine as possible.


 Today I cheated for the first time in my life.  I was tired of standing up straight when you humped me indifferently and smiling at the world as an example, when you slept peacefully and I certainly wouldn't be one of those who leave.  I was so tormented by the comfort and pride with which you pointed at me.  I was suffocated by the truth that I was not where I should be and the disinterest with which you treated this, I was disgusted by the certainty with which you ignored the problems between us.  Today my statue fell and crumbled, today I became like the others.  Like the other women who understood that in vain you sing choirs of angels at the end, when in the life here the demons in you bite, that the applause does not kiss, do not envelop and do not sprinkle happiness.  Like the others who had to lie to find out the truth about them.  Today I have become what you call a whore.  And I'm not interested, I'm happy and free.  Better to throw others with stones at me than to be a martyr in a sleeping relationship.


 Today I cheated on you with a man who understood that trinkets also break.  And he did it before he met me.  Also today I announce that we are breaking up.  Official.

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