Today I cheated on you

I have to admit, I didn't think I possessed such powers of seduction.  I never thought that my voice would have had such an impact on a woman who was screaming that she wanted to get off the pedestal, who was screaming at the top of her voice that she wanted to get down to earth, who could no longer endure the loneliness of your hand.  I didn't think I could ever seduce myself into thinking I was happy.  I seem to be a good lure, so good that I was able to lie to myself like everyone else in my life didn't.  Today I stripped off all the lies I've been slyly whispering to myself for so long, I threw on all the saintly clothes and God better have nothing to say about it, just as he didn't  had even when the demons put on the garments of angels who served my principles and morals in a firm tone, and my soul was in agony.  Not even when I decided to leave and they were snaking on my shoulder, towards my ear, scolding me that the best is the enemy of the good.

 Today I cheated.  I realized that I had been doing it for a long time, I realized that I had been in a continuous process of cheating for several months already.  It had been a good few months in which I shamelessly lied to myself that I was happy, it had been a good time since I had put on the coat of sufficiency, and somehow the thought that I had a statue erected in the mind of a man comforted me.  Today I cheated and realized that I can be something other than a carefully placed trinket on a shelf, often dusted only to be admired by guests.  I realized that I could be something other than a man's pride, because that's what I had become, a man's pride, an object of praise meant to bring applause to the one who owned it.

 Today I cheated after a long time of trying not to, after a long time of whipping my thoughts every time they started to smell of sin, every time I cried for pity.  I beat myself up with the idea that there will always be something better, there will always be someone better, there will always be something missing, and we, whether we like it or not, are not whole.  We are not even half, because that would be sad, but we are like pieces of a puzzle, which if they are badly put together, when you run your hand over them, even by mistake, they fly and everything is lost.  A man accidentally ran his hand over our puzzle.  And not only that it has broken a little, but the hell went so hard, that I can't find the pieces anymore, that I wonder what I was and what we were.

 A man accidentally looked at me and pretended to look into me.  As if someone gave him a book and he read it diagonally and understood.  A man looked into me and understood.  Short and pragmatic.  He understood that sleeping in the same bed does not mean a relationship and that no matter how comfortable it is to sleep in a relationship, if you want to have a Woman by your side, you still have to wake up early and go to bed late from time to time  in when  Waking up when the woman next to you stops smiling and going to bed late when she has things to say and says them all for you.  Going to bed late when she needs you and wasting hours when only you can help her.  He understood that just as you sacrifice time in life on your path of achievement, so you must sacrifice time in achievement for kisses, for hugs, because there are two of you and otherwise one gets lost on the way.  He understood that there is no woman without qualities, only men too lazy to discover them or too comfortable to support them, and when they are still visible, you have to be stupid or unconscious not to juggle them.A man accidentally looked at me and pretended to look into me.  As if someone gave him a book and he read it diagonally and understood.  A man looked into me and understood.  Short and pragmatic.  He understood that sleeping in the same bed does not mean a relationship and that no matter how comfortable it is to sleep in a relationship, if you want to have a Woman by your side, you still have to wake up early and go to bed late from time to time  in when  Waking up when the woman next to you stops smiling and going to bed late when she has things to say and says them all for you.  Going to bed late when she needs you and wasting hours when only you can help her.  He understood that just as you sacrifice time in life on your path of achievement, so you must sacrifice time in achievement for kisses, for hugs, because there are two of you and otherwise one gets lost on the way.  He understood that there is no woman without qualities, only men too lazy to discover them or too comfortable to support them, and when they are still visible, you have to be stupid or unconscious not to juggle them.

 A man who knew that the woman must be kept in check to keep her femininity, to keep her assets and more, to take advantage of them.  Who knew that no matter how much you play with her in bed, if you don't train her mind you won't have anyone to play with and she won't have anyone to be a woman for, which is lethal to her confidence and the relationship  your.  Who understood that woman is a continuous challenge, you conquer her now, but you win her every day.  Carefully, with efforts and as far from the routine as possible.

 Today I cheated for the first time in my life.  I was tired of standing straight when you were hunched over with indifference and smiling to the world as an example, when you were sleeping peacefully and sure I wouldn't be one of the ones leaving.  I was so tormented by the convenience and pride with which you looked at me.  I was suffocated by the fact that I was not where I should be and the disinterest with which you treated it, disgusted me with the certainty with which you ignored the problems between us.  Today my statue fell and I was hanged, today I became like the others.  Like the other women who understood that in vain they sing choirs of angels to you at the end, when in this life the demons bite inside you, that applause does not kiss, envelop and sprinkle happiness.  Like the others who had to lie to find out the truth about themselves.  Today I became what you call a whore.  And I don't care, I'm happy and free.  Better to have others throw stones at me than to be a martyr in a sleeping relationship.

 Today I cheated on you with a man who understood that even trinkets break.  And he did it before he met me.  Also today I'm announcing that we're breaking up.  Official.

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